Bdsm advice

Added: Benjamim Beeks - Date: 07.11.2021 16:41 - Views: 16511 - Clicks: 1181

Today I was asked, by a newcomer to the world of BDSM, if I mainly liked to focus on people who wanted to be dominant or if I happily spoke to those interested in submission as well. Back in when I first thought I was educated enough in the lifestyle to actively mentor, I found a post out there in the bdsm advice which stated those who felt their dominance should speak to a dominant and those who felt their submission should speak to a submissive for their respective training.

And I agree to a certain extent. Beyond that, I think that it is useful to talk to both personalities — and different people — to see how different people think and approach the same concepts of Kink and BDSM. My view is that I am happy to answer any questions. Some people want to ask me about my background, some people want to ask about my anxiety, some people just have questions about the lifestyle. I understand that all too well and try to be there as much as I can until they feel a little more comfortable and can ask their questions.

Why do you care so much about the people out there, newcomer or otherwise? This is a big one that I get, and rightly so I guess. I care so much because I guess I see a lot of myself in people that write in to me. I can sense that trepidation and uncertainty. Where do you even start? It scared me so much that I stayed in a vanilla relationship longer than I should have. Not if I can help them find their voice and confidence and, at the very least, ease their anxiety or minds. This is a long response but another thing people ask after is my patience.

She kept cursing me with a shy smile and flushing red. Is being a Dominant exhausting, having to take care of so many different aspects? Hmm, no! I mean, we take in note structure and mental well being and order — but these things become second nature with practice. Always…kinda like a PlayStation 4 on rest mode. To hear their free moans and to be the one to guide them. To look them dead in the eye and hold their gaze. In those moments, the last thing I want to do is be dominant.

In bdsm advice beginning, when I first wanted to do this, she had questions. I mean, even on a platonic level, talking bdsm and the like is still sexual. So we had a lengthy chat and I told her what I wanted to do and why, sharing how I felt and how I wanted to do something, anything, to alleviate minds and she bdsm advice. Birthdays, brunch dates, family time together, Netflix on the couch, coffee runs — I always make time for us and never crisscross.

It gives me the warm and fuzzies, honestly. Remember, we all grow and bloom at different places. I wholeheartedly understand. Especially to a stranger. Especially with someone like me, who does not judge for any of those things whatsoever. One of the goals in creating this blog, besides harnessing my own darkness and desires, was to help those like me who felt they were truly alone and had no support. I wanted to offer the opportunity where a person — regardless of sex, identity, tastes, race or experience — could feel free to write to me — to say hello or ask for a perspective or to just shoot the shit, as they say.

I love meeting people and helping if need be — I live for it. And this all extends, not just to writing in to me, but to being yourself as well. Love yourself. My or twitter or Instagram is always open. It never closes. I will say this — I am scatterbrained. Here at the end of Easter long weekend, I wanted to write this to the person that may or may not hesitate to write in.

You see, I was on reddit just now — responding to someone asking about thoughts about choking. It just got me thinking is all. So, please. Chances are, they will appreciate the conversation. My father and mother were devout Catholics and raised me as such. We were a conservative Catholic household and lived a conservative Catholic life. Even the sheer sight of me shirtless around the house would cause outcry. Playful or not, I cannot say, but I just wanted to raise this point.

When I was 12, I started to catch on about sex. As an adult, my dad would tell me he never did enough for me. I wonder if he remembers that conversation. As a 12 year old bdsm advice, I was weird sexually. Thing was, I was making sense of myself. I found the pulse within myself that reacted against my catholic teachings to be naked, to be primal, to fight back against the feelings of shame — which I very well bdsm advice now writing this, even though I understand how implausible those feelings are.

This reactionary behaviour paved the way for me to explore myself sexually as a teenager, which led to writing erotica and eventually to the wide world of BDSM and kink. Looking back as I write this, sex — for me — is a battle between two minds. Somehow I know this to be a product of what I was taught, teaching me that to be naked, to want degradation, humiliation, is all wrong. These days I have good control over the other part of my brain, though it does exist during my most intimate moments.

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I can distinctly remember feeling the rush of being in the moment, sexually and as a dominant, and then coming down from that high terrifies, not knowing what that meant, guilty because of my actions — my need to command, to dress, to be sadistic. I was shy.

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I was quiet. I still am. I live by a set of rules — to be kind to people, to love openly and accept everyone. True to myself, in other words. My anxiety? My development as a man? I cannot say. You must understand, I started this blog not just to share my fantasies and satisfy a part of me, I bdsm advice it in case it could inspire someone as awkward as I was when I started off. So I love hearing from people — young, old, male, female, Australian, American, Norwegian — the more the merrier. Language barriers be damned!

Grill me. I welcome all of it, criticism, friendly chatter, the like. At all. In all my years of blogging, in responding to the kind people that write in, I can honestly say not one has bdsm advice me, not one. Try me, I dare you! Do you feel stupid because I can talk so openly and you find it rough to?

I was the same as you in the beginning. We all start somewhere and blossom on our own time. I will say this though — just write. I honestly care not for long novel-length texts, I read every word and respond. Start at the beginning. Write how you feel. Find a place to start at, to get the ball rolling, and then just let it go — just write and let it loose. If it feels good, write it. Too many times have I read that someone wanted to write in sooner or deleted several iterations of the they just sent — and it breaks my heart.

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Be yourself. I answered that question best I could in the moment, running my own experiences with identifying the feeling by her, hoping it would connect somehow. It all seems so organic looking back. Anyway, I bdsm advice I would try to the answer the question at length, hoping newcomers to BDSM might relate and it can help them in their own journey. In the beginning, I had these feelings that I had understanding of. Everyone is different and works differently. I should say that my own development has come with a certain degree of blind luck.

I met certain people at the right time in my life, people like me, through Fetlife or the semi-sketchy anonymous confessional app Whisper.

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I was a lucky bastard. I had the blessing of shaping who I was through encounters along my twenties. Fetlife was a big player in my path, I would say. I could even put a name to my kinks and thus have some semblance of understanding. Google helped too, in a way, acting as a gateway to all sorts of media — books, images, blogs, people, Kink.

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Combine this with Fetlife and I had opportunities to feel the gravitational force to someone who was submissive. Or even submissive? The best advice I can give is that it starts with an idea. Have a google of key concepts that come to mind when you think of BDSM — blindfolding, handcuffs, dirty talk. Start bdsm advice. See if something strikes up your fancy.

See if any of these concepts appeal to you on a base level. Try not to feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of information — there can be a lot to learn but you can easily break it up into easily digestible parts. Start light. A bit of spanking, a bit of issuing commands — talk to your partner about what they would like to try and see if it strikes a chord with you on any level. The last advice I can give is to be open to yourself and to your partner.

But always be open to trying at least. Everyone is welcome here. Take, for example, the submissive is more experienced than the dominant. Can the sub teach from the bottom?

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Should the dom look to other doms? Perhaps finding a mentor or start at the bottom? Through our interactions I also learned how not to behave as a Dominant and how to delicately balance that side with my side out of the bedroom.

Bdsm advice

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A Beginner's Guide To BDSM, With Tips From A Sex Therapist