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May is National Masturbation Month, and we're celebrating with Feeling Yourselfa series exploring the finer points of self-pleasure. Although he isn't romantically or sexually attracted to cis men, B says his fascination to "strictly penises" began when he started watching porn in high school. To maintain anonymity, he asked to only be referred to as one of his initials.
After messaging each other for about a week, they met up at the other man's empty apartment. B was so nervous, it took him "a little while" to be comfortable enough to even get an erection.
While they settled down on the other man's couch after a few drinks, B grappled with his own sexuality, wondering if he was gay despite his relationships with women. The two eventually slid off their pants and began masturbating side-by-side. Then, the other man reached over and began stroking B. That lasted for 10 or 12 minutes, we both orgasmed, I got dressed, said 'thanks' and left. They fell out of touch, but B tried it again about a year later. This time, he made a post seeking a partner and "certainly achieved an erection much quicker" when he and another man met up.
B says the mutual masturbation lasted longer than his male masturbation forums time, and he was more comfortable with the notion of jerking off another man. Neither encounter turned into anything longterm, and contact fizzled out after a few weeks. Savin-Williams had subjects watch porn of women masturbating and of men masturbating, measuring attraction based on the subjects' dilated pupils.
He says the men who identify as "mostly straight" had relationships with strictly women, but in some cases, were aroused by seeing a penis. He doubts that the men he profiled are closeted or in denial about their attractions, and he emphasizes the spectrum of sexuality.
Granted, his study was tiny and more anecdotal than based on clinical trials. Arousal is incredibly complex, Savin-Williams says, and can't be explained by a simple psychological theory. But people are becoming more open to admitting their sexual fluidity. Department of Health and Human Services poll conducted between and found that 6 percent of men 18 to 24 reported they were mostly attracted to the opposite sex, while 87 percent male masturbation forums they were only attracted to the opposite sex.
For B, being able to get lost in a fantasy is what makes mutual masturbation so appealing. He feels like "everyone fantasizes a little bit" when they're engaging in any sort of sexual activity, but he has more to when he's masturbating with another man than when he's having sex with female partners because he isn't focused on the other person's orgasm. When he's engaging in mutual masturbation, the "combined fantasy" allows for more space to explore roleplay and kinks.
It's much more cooperative. But coming to terms with those desires can be a struggle. Savin-Williams notes that since the confines of traditional masculinity hold men back from pursuing new experiences, they have difficulty expressing their wants to potential partners. Where else is there for someone to anonymously seek out fulfilling sexual experiences without meeting in person than in niche internet communities? In a SFW Skype call, he said the subreddit sees many first-time posters looking to feel out the boundaries of their sexuality.
Safety is key, especially when experimenting with anything sexual. While mutual masturbation over a video chat holds its own risks, like catfishing or blackmail, there's little chance of any physical danger in these meetups. B says he keeps an eye out for "negative behavior traits," as he's heard horror stories of no-strings-attached hook ups that ended up getting obsessed. But xluckis4losersx remarked that the added anonymity of Skype sessions where participants can obscure their face or show just their genitals, unlike during in-person experiences, may make people feel more at ease discussing consent.
At the end of the day, someone's sexual identity is nobody's business but their own. While internet drama curator KeemStar set off a heated debate earlier this week when he insisted on Twitter that "No straight man in the history of mankind was bi curious," and claimed that men who had experimented couldn't possibly be straight, Savin-Williams says sexuality is more complicated than the black and white we automatically put people into.
He says that younger generations are much less likely to confine themselves to labels, and compared to their parents' generations, self-identified straight millennials are more likely to approach attraction to someone of the same gender as "very unlikely, but not impossible.
During the call with Mashable, he said he and his husband were mindblown that sexual fluidity is so much more "ho hum" now — he credits pop culture for normalizing it throughentertainment, and celebrity relationships. And for B, having a platform to facilitate same-sex mutual masturbation wasn't necessarily a life-changing revelation — he still considers himself straight, not bisexual — but it did put him at ease with his body. Social Good. Fellas, sexuality is fluid and expressing it is healthy.
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